Everyone knows the saying... God doesn't give you any more than you can handle.
Well... God needs to back off because I do believe I am at my breaking point.
Last week we lost our baby.
Our baby number four that we were so looking forward to is gone. We were at 16 weeks gestation and are the minority of people who have a second trimester miscarriage.
I have learned some crazy things during this process.
First, people who have never experienced such a loss... who try to tell you they 'understand' or 'know what your feeling' are well intentioned IDIOTS. I am sorry, no, you do not 'understand' or 'know' because until you have experienced such a loss or delivered your tiny tiny baby at home with only you and your husband, you will never know.
Second, even if, prior to loosing a pregnancy, you ever felt that it was for the better if nature took it's course if there would be problems later... you were WRONG. So wrong. Because such a loss makes you realize that no matter what, you would have fought to the end for your child.
Third, those people who really unfortunately do understand and know... you are now part of their club. Not in a bad way, but it effects them so strongly, they will cry with you and cry for you.
Fourth, everything else suddenly seems so stupid. Completely stupid. And because of this, biting your tongue becomes incredibly difficult. Especially when your first day back to work you are flooded with phone calls within the first hour... from adults... fighting over trash bags.... yes, trash bags.
Fifth, nothing in your life can make you challenge God like something happening to one of your babies. It's been a hard year for us. A very hard year. When my dad died, I did not waiver, when the word cancer came back up, I had faith, my husband looses his job, God will make sure we are okay. This however... makes me angry. Very angry.
Sixth, MORONS HAVE CHILDREN! You really begin to notice just how many stupid asses have babies after something like this happens. I mean really really stupid people have these beautiful babies that they barely take care of, treat horribly or don't deserve. And this... is unfair.
Seventh, nothing can make you appreciate your beautiful family more than something like this.